I usually have no problems falling asleep at night, but sometimes the loose ends of the day crawl into my head and keep me awake. Damn, last night I fellt so restless, after spending hours and hours working endlessly on different new songs during daytime. Not satisfied, because the day ends at 24 hours and I just wanna go on. Patience is a virtue I've got to give into. The restlessness is not by all means negative. I'm trying to get a grip on the flowing word and soundmachinery, that's in my subconcious mind. So during the time I couldn't sleep, all those clourful ideas came together. I couldn't wait to see the light of the day. There and then, after a nice 3-cup of coffee (!), I enthousiastically put my fingers on the keys or between the frets of my guitar, but, there was nothing really flowing here. "Don't push it", I heard a gentle voice saying in the hairs of my neck. Then suddenly my heart dropped a mile into the ground. I froze, as I watched my monitor: I couldn't get that damn mouse working. What I saw was a miror image of the state I was in: total standstill. Just recorded a bunch of intense vocals and then it all froze before my very eyes. Ok, the world won't stop, so I gently pushed the reset knob on that big, senseless machine, but then I realised I forgot to save all the recorded parts ... Jeeezuss, I know it happened before, but it's just very fustrating. So I took a deep breath, pauze for a moment. Trying to keep up with the rest of the high spirits I've got and do it all over again, as it often worked before. Finally put something sensitive into the musicbox. Still got that nagging feeling of the lost and vanished melodies I sang the first time, so the day ended in a kind of anti-climatic way..., or not?
That narcistic, creative life is a big bubble, I know: it has to burst into little pieces to get a chance to make it whole again. All the little things matter. A nice comment on my daughter's new clothes or the joking around with my son. That's the drive that keeps my boat float for a while. And then there is the outer world. What do I care? Well if someone plays your song on the radio and if that someone is Tom Robinson (who wrote some very moving songs like "
War Baby" that got me through during some rough times), than that little outside world moment means something to me. Just as I wanted to shut down the machinery I happened to notice that "Bomb Won't Go Off" was played again, now on Tom's saturday show, the
Tom Robinson Show. Starts at 1.03 and at 1.11 he did try to narrate my bio in dutch (?!) after the song was over. Hilarious! When you ever need the outside world, that moment surely arrived in time. Generous man...
Check that playlist btw!
Just after Paul Simon
Buttuh, nothing special, every person is a microcosmos....
